IF SUPERMAN COULD DIE, WOULD HIS COFFIN BE MADE OF DIAMOND?

QUESTION OF THE DAY

IF SUPERMAN COULD DIE, WOULD HIS COFFIN BE MADE OF DIAMOND?

If Superman could die[1], would his coffin be made of diamond?

Not diamondS, like a jewelry that one can wear at an award-winning ceremony.

I mean 1 diamond, 1 big, giant, single piece of diamond. You see what I mean?

Diamond of that volume is probably very rare. Maybe it does not even exist on this planet, so it is even rarer. Superman’s friends would have to be very resourceful, but I’m sure if anyone can do it, it has to be them. They’d have to ask around, pull their strings, send informants to all the corners of the galaxy. How do you communicate with those contacts? Telephone? Radio? Skype maybe? Beats me. Imagine those phone (or appropriate type of communication) bills, they must be huge, man.

What color would the coffin be? I have an image of a pale pink diamond in my head. I don’t mean to disrespect Superman’s masculinity, god forbid. I find pale colors very sad, maybe just because they seem like old, worn-out, time-stained versions of the bright, vivid ones, I don’t know. And pale pink leads in that group. Pale pink looks like aging depressive person that is slowly fading away. Sadness encolored. Sadness – embodied coffin embodying Superman. Not in technicolor, but in pale pink version, for extra – solemn feel. Also fairly rare to find, so there you have it, suitable for Superman’s coffin.

Transparent diamond[2] wouldn’t do – there has to be a little something to blur Superman’s dead body a bit. We don’t want people to see Superman’s wrinkled face, or body tortured by sickness, or just old body. Remember what happened with his ratings when he was evil? No, thank you. Somebody’s dead body being exposed to others falls into category „indecent“ (even in clothes, not naked). I mean, he should be recognizable, we should be able to say it’s him, but not entirely openly dead in front of us.

Maybe it’s just my culture-induced fear of dying speaking. We are educated in that way, mothers cover our eyes when there are scenes of bodies on TV. When we pass by car accidents, they tell us not to look in that direction. Death, dying, it is something not pretty and should be avoided at any cost. And what’s up with those open coffins at funerals anyway? Let the dead have their solemnity, and stay in our memory, where it is nice and warm. Don’t show them like some chef d’oeuvre on a plate at some fancy Marina Abramović type of „event“. Besides, there has to be a touch of mystery in death of Superman, even though his boat fare is the same as the next guy’s.

Speaking of boat fares, would he be paying it to Earth’s deities? Or some cosmic ones? Or it is a stupid, obsolete question, because Earth’s deities = cosmic deities? If not, maybe we should pay respect to his Krypton deities? Um, that is a very touchy subject. I believe all of Earth’s governments should work on that. Everybody should declare a truce until that question is resolved. We should work in unison, cooperate, invest the best human potential there is, lock them in a room until they come up with a solution.

Unless otherwise requested by the man himself, I think he should be buried here, on Earth. After all, he did so much for us, and I think he did it because he loved us, so I guess he wouldn’t mind being buried here. Would he leave a testament, last will in written? Or, he leaves us with all his possessions, material and moral, that we live on his principles? And where do you think should be his grave? Maybe in the city center, in some square in the middle of everything. On the other hand, maybe in the Himalaya – you know, he’s Superman, he always felt a bit lonely on Earth, with humans, who are totally different from him. Everybody says it is surreal in the Himalaya, so, it could be the right place for him.

And how about his funeral shoes? Should they be made of carton, as proper dead body’s shoes? Imagine that request to the cobbler, “Listen: we need red boots, that look like socks a bit, but they’re boots, red, like the fires of Avalon, for a deceased dignitary, size 56… pronto!!!”

Ai, so many questions, so little time…

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[1] Like really die; let’s not count kryptonite, that would be cheating. On the other hand, let’s not forget it completely, because that is the proof that Superman can die.

[2] Transparent as in „diamond of no colour“. Yes, I know, even coloured diamonds are transparent, but at least they have sort of a blur, created by the colour.